Yeah, so it's been a while since I've "blogged" so I'm gonna "blog".  There is way too much stupid crap going on right now.  I need to just sit back and take a deep breath, then see what happens.  I need to stop trying to control every piece of my life at the same time and just sit back for a while and see what happens when I'm not in control.  That would probably be good for me.  As for how summer is going so far, it's going.  The Tigers are doing really well right now, which makes me extremely happy.  They sucked ass last year, but this year they are number one in the league, which is a big deal.  Anywho, this "blog" isn't for my sports stats, so I'm sorry about that little rambling section there.  Oh well, not much one can do.  I ramble sometimes and I really don't care.  Anyways, there is a friend of mine that I have been talking to a lot recently, and he is an amazing guy.  There is also a friend of mine that isn't having a very good summer.  He recently found out that his mother has breast cancer and he really isn't taking it all that well, so of course I didn't want to worry him with the stupid stuff going on in my life, but he got it out of me anyways and he actually has been a big help through all of this stupid crap that one should never have to deal with but for some reason that kind of stuff always finds its way to me.  Oh well, shit happens.  I have officially decided that I am transferring to Siena Hieghts in the fall.  I am not happy at Spring Arbor so away I go.  My friend Amanda had a baby a little over two months ago and she is the cutest little girl that I have ever seen.  She is already the size of a four month old.  It's not that she's fat, she's just very long.  Anyways, I'm rambling again.  I guess I'm just in one of those moods.  Anywho, I've decided to quit smoking...someone kick me please.  I hope that one of my friends has a baseball bat to hit me with.  lol.  Not much going on though.  That's a lie.  However, all the stuff going on in my life is stupid and pointless and frustrating.  I did sit down and write a letter to a certain someone today.  It seems that the crap we have been going through lately has opened my stupid eyes and so I sat down and wrote a letter explaining what I am now able to see with my stupid eyes and how things will probably never change.  I'm not too excited about the fact that things will never change, but oh well what can one do.  At least the Tigers are having a good year and I'm finally old enough to go to Canada with Victor or Becky...more than likely Becky unless I go to Detroit for a while this summer, then I'll probably go with Victor and Christina.  Stupid rambling again.  Anyways, Happy Birthday Uncle Brian.  I'm out.

Well, today has been a long day.  I talked to one of my friends that I haven't talked to in over two years, that was pretty sweet.  I got in an argument with one of my best friends and at the moment we aren't talking to eachother.  I almost lost another friend over a stupid misunderstanding, but we talked it out and now its all good.  Aryn and I have also gotten closer over the past couple of weeks.  I guess it helps that I've been going through a lot of tough shit and she just happened to walk in while I was having a complete breakdown, well both times that I had a complete breakdown she walked in.  But, she was there to listen to what was going on and to give me a hug and to talk to me whenever I need it.  I've also been helping her with some stuff too and we've been getting closer.  I think it may also have something to do with her starting her college classes next week, but you never know.  Maybe now that she's out of high school she's going through the same thing I went through when I moved away from home.  Maybe she's finally growing up like I did and that has something to do with it.  Whatever it is, I'm glad it's happening.  Her boyfriend is awesome too.  She shared with him what's going on in my life and he told her to tell me that I can call him if I ever need to talk.  I'm glad that she caught a good one.  Matt is a really nice guy and I'm glad to be able to call him my friend and my almost brother in law :)  Anyways, a lot has been going on since I last wrote here.  I'm not going to go into great detail about it, but I feel like I've grown up a lot.  I'm not saying I haven't made any mistakes, because I definitely have, but I've made a few decisions and I've been doing the right thing a lot more lately.  It's wierd, but I know it's the right thing to do.  With doing that I feel like I'm growing up more and more everyday.  Well, I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow, and even though the Tigers lost today to the White Sox (my favorite and my very least favorite baseball teams) the show must go on.  They play again tomorrow and Jake is coming over to watch the game with me, hopefully they'll win!  I'm out...later

Not much going on that I am willing to share at the moment lol.  I'm just kidding, there's really not much going on right now.  Hmm...Exams this week, ick.  But it's all good because I only have one exam to take and the professor for that class told us yesterday that the exam is going to be all multiple choice...hell yeah!...and that it will be no more than 100 questions...hell yeah once again!...I'm pretty psyched about it.  I'm taking my dad's truck tomorrow to finish moving out the stuff I don't need for this week and I'm pretty psyched about that too!  Summer here I come!  Sunday is my birthday...another hell yeah!  One bad thing about school being out is that I am going to miss all my friends like crazy!  Steve is going back to florida for the summer :(  and Melissa is going back to Minnesota :( and Jordan is going back to New York :(  and Liz is getting married :(  I'm gonna miss all my friends like crazy!!!  It's all good tho cuz I have Angie and Kelly all summer who are like only ten minutes away so it's all good, and my new friend Amanda is going to bring her baby to Angie's on Angie's birthday and we're going to hang out the four of us (me, angie, amanda, and the baby in case you were wondering lol).  It's gonna be so much fun!  Amanda may be blind but she's one of the coolest people I've ever met!  She's such a nice person, and on the other hand she can be a bitch too, trust me it's good :)  We have so much in common it's kind of scary lol.  We have pretty much the same personality, the same home life (for the most part), and so much more.  She's an amazing person.  Anyways, I'm off to study for my psych exam...I heart Psych!!  lol.  Later.

Get a fucking life!!  if I say I don't want to tell you something don't keep hounding me about it!!!  You don't know how I feel about who so keep your fucking little noses out of it!!!  If I want to tell you I will tell you!  Stop being so fucking childish about it!!  The world doesn't revolve around you and you don't have to know everything about everyone!!  I don't but into your business so stay the fuck out of mine!!  It's a thing called Privacy, not that you know anything about it since you feel that you have to know everything about everyone! Keep your fucking nose out of my business!!!  GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!!

I've had a rough couple of days, last night being the worst.  However, I realized something today.  No matter how much you may or may not contribute to something, you have the power to control how it effects your life.  I know it's starting to sound like some high school assembly or something, but I'm serious.  If you get dumped because your boyfriend is a dumbass, you can either sit back and bawl for a few days and mope around and be a bump on a log, in other words, let him effect you, or you can get up and move on.  So you can't stop yourself from crying entirely, who cares.  You have the power to get up and move on.  I realized tonight that Jake only had as much power over my emotions as I let him have, therefore, I'm not letting him have any.  Figuratively speaking, I took the knife he shoved into my chest out and threw it right back at him.  No I didn't insult him or anything, I asked my questions, got my answers, and some of them did hurt me but not for long, and got my closure and moved on.  He is so not worth my tears so he won't be getting any more of them.  I am a woman who knows what I want and I finally realized that I don't want him.  So, this is me getting up and moving on.  I feel confident in that I know who I am and what I want and I'm not going to change my standards for any guy that thinks he can just waltz right into my life and try to change me.  One thing about knowing who you really are is that you cannot be changed unless you want to really do some deep soul searching and change things yourself.  No one around you has the power to change you.  Some people say that you will never truly know or love yourself, I have broken the mold I guess.  Roll your eyes at me, make snide remarks, talk to your fellow conspirator about me behind my back, I don't care!  I'm going to smile right through it.  I know what I want and I'm going for it.  I know who I am and only I have the power to change that.  My life now has meaning.  :)

Okay, so it's been like over 2 months since I've talked to him, which feels like forever to me, and I've been missing him like CRAZY so imagine my joy, or overjoy, when I recieve an email from him out of the blue!  It's kind of like that Fantasia song, "Truth Is".  That's about how I feel about this except there's nothing mentioned about another girl so maybe, hopefully, he'll stay this time!  God knows I miss him like crazy and I hope and pray that things don't go wrong this time.  If only, I hate that phrase, When something happens to bring him back to me it will be PERFECT!!  "You are the only one that I could ever want"  I just want to run outside and hug every strange person that I meet!!  This is like...YES!!  When he is mine I will be the happiest person in the world!!   YES!!  There is hope for The Mander!!

Okay, I have one word to summarize my day...DRAMA.  Thankfully, it's not my drama this time.  Aryn and Candace got in a fight and I heard all about it.  First I heard Candace's side of it, then I heard Aryn's side of it, then I heard mom's version of Aryn's side of it, then I read about it on Candace's blog, wow.  I have no comment about any of it though, as much as I would like to say I'm going to keep my mouth shut this time.  It's hard already and I've only known about it for a few hours, but I'm not going to say another word about it.

In MY life things are going quite well.  I can't say as I've ever felt this good for no particular reason, but I do.  I feel like life is amazing and there really hasn't been anything to happen to make me feel that way.  I just kind of woke up one morning and thought, wow life is good.  It just kind of fits into my randomness I guess.  Anyways, my new roomie and I are getting along just fine.  She's really cool.  Not at all what I thought she would be but I thank God for that every day. 

Classes are going well too.  I started classes Thursday and so far I like all but one of them.  Of course, if you know me, you know that I hate my english class just because it's english and it requires research papers done a certain way and I'm not allowed to be creative, which drives me NUTS!  My psychology class is amazing!  i was kind of intimidated at first because when I walked into my class for the first time he just sat there all serious looking and it kind of scared me.  But he's really funny and he has a great sense of humor.  I am loving that class more than I thought I would!  :)  My other classes are all good too.  I'm loving my speech class because I get graded for talking!  YES!!! Talk about my kind of class!  There's only one class that hasn't started yet, but it starts Monday so I'm hoping that it's as good as I hope it will be too. Not really much else to talk about tho.  Superbowl is in DETROIT this year!!! w00t w00t!  Only 8 more days till I can watch the Steelers kick some Seahawk ass!!  YES!!  Definitely taking that day off of homework to kick back, relax, and watch the game!  It's definitely what I'm looking forward to this week.  Well, I won't bore you any longer.  Later

Okay, I finally got a day to rest and do whatever I feel like doing.  So here I sit, on my computer being bored out of my mind.  lol.  Not much is new, J-term is finally over, ergo the name of the blog.  lol.  I got a movie done for Core 19, now I just have to get enough dvds to burn a copy for everybody.  For now I can enjoy it at least.  I slept in today, as usual, but I can't tomorrow since Spring semester classes start up.  This semester's not gonna be as bad as Fall tho.  My earliest class this semester is 9:20 instead of 7:45.  That class is only two days a week as well whereas the 7:45 class was every friggin day.  I start my psych classes this semester which I am totally excited about.  I may even apply to be a P.A. next year.  A few people have told me that I would make a good P.A. and that if I decided to apply they would totally write a recommendation for me.  It might be fun, I don't know.  Like I said, I'm still thinking about it.  I'm taking the class for it this semester so that I can if I decide to.  That class is also a part of my psych major so hey, killing two birds with one stone ain't bad.  What else can I ramble about.  Oh yeah, no music classes this semester, I even had to get rid of choir because it just won't fit into my schedule.  Oh well, I'm not heartbroken about it at all.  I'm still taking voice lessons with Monte, that's pretty much the only music thing I'm doing outside of hobby stuff.  Umm, there has to be something good to talk about.  At this point in time I love my life.  That's a nice change.  Oh well, I'm just going to enjoy my love of life until it fades away, which hopefully it won't.  I say that every time I get happy but it always does.  Maybe this time will be different, I hope.  Anyways, it's off to dinner I go.  I actually woke up in time to have dinner today and I'm friggin hungry!  Later.

Okay, life was beginning to get better for a little while.  That is until I actually had time to myself to think about my life.  Then it occurred to me that everything is still shit.  That's right.  Is it me?  It seems like every time something good happens, something bad happens right away to put me right back in the dumps.  Rookie, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  So does Smee.  Anyways, I have been trying to keep up my grades, which is working so far, and in doing that I have kept myself busy.  As long as I'm busy I don't have time to think about anything but the task at hand or any random thoughts that may pop into my mind.  I think I may just keep myself busy from now on.  That goes for vacations too.  I'll find some place to go where I can just not think.  Some place where I can relax and be happy, even if just for a moment.  As long as I don't think about anything, it's all good.  Who knows.  Or maybe I'll just sleep a lot.  That is a possibility.  Who knows with me.  If it's not one thing it'll be another. 

Well anyways, I'm staying the weekend up at school.  Even though it's a long weekend since I have no class on Monday, I really need some time to myself right now. Granted Cayden might come over for a few hours on Saturday.  Oh well.  I think this weekend I'm going to sleep and study and that's about it.  Maybe I'll watch some T.V. and of course I'll listen to music, but probably nothing else.  It'll do me some good to sleep for a few days.  My Egyptian Cotton sheets will keep me in bed (thanks mom) a little longer than usual, but hey no problem.  Anywho, speaking of sleep, I should probably think about getting some tonight at some point.  I'm out.  Later.